Vol. 1, Issue 15 | Rules

[originally written 04 December 2007, 12:22pm]

My last twitterfeed (twitter.com/arashikami, if you'd like to follow) includes a comment on crushes & why I don't act on the majority of them.

I mean... Aside from being a complete chicken-shit, that is. Because I am.

However, there's been a growing list of rules in my head, as a way to rationalize being a chicken-shit. Anytime I've needed a reason to avoid acting on my impulses, presto! There's another rule.

1. No Bond Girls. (i.e. also known as: 'no fishing off the company pier.') Granted, the majority of the Bond Girls all have significant others, so this isn't too much of an issue. And this is also supposing that any of them would even fancy me. Also? If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't fret. It's a gallery inside joke.
2. No Neighbors. I've almost fucked up friendships I've had w/ people because of this. Good friendships. Since the building I live in is such a small community, dating w/in it seems fraught w/ problems. I love my neighbors. I'd really rather not lose that over an impulse decision.
3. No Curators. This just seems like a bad idea.
4. No Long-Term Relationships / Marriage. Getting involved w/ anyone looking for either of these would be wrong for me to do, since that's not what I'm looking for. I'd feel like I was leading someone on. I already feel as though I do that inadvertently now...
5. No Ex-S.O.'s of Friends. Like w/ neighbors, dating w/in seemingly small social groups (esp. the comic book scene in this town) also seems fraught w/ problems.
6. No Current S.O.'s of Friends. You'd think this one was a no-brainer. You'd be wrong. No, I'm not explaining further.
7. No Artists. I've broken this one a time or two & regretted it later. I think other artists can date artists, and that's great. But I can't.

So, essentially, I can't ever act upon any crush and/or date anyone I know. Anyone I ever meet through my extensive social & professional circle? Completely out of bounds.

Hell... I feel like I'm *this* far away from being the adult equivalent of that nerdy kid in school that has a girlfriend. In Canada.

So yes, I'm acutely aware of how absolutely stupid every single one of those rules sound. Well, except the one involving other people's wives/girlfriends. That one is iron-clad. Lesson learned. (And I'm still sorry, in case you're reading.) But the rest?

Bollocks.

Absolute bollocks.

Nothing but proof of me being a chicken-shit.

Which means...



...it's time to toss out the rules.

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Portlandia is no chicken-shit.